Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one of the best shows out there because of its iconic dialogues. These are some of the best things the characters said.
Although it’s been almost a year since Brooklyn Nine-Nine ended, the fandom is still constantly sharing on social networks their favorite moments from these iconic characters. Whether it’s Rosa’s badass comments, Jake’s dumb puns, or Captain Holt’s wise remarks, these moments are so well-written that there isn’t a day that goes by where the show isn’t referenced in some shape or form.
However, while these quotes are sometimes hilarious, there are other times when they are sad and reflective. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is known to delve into serious issues from time to time and it isn’t scared to go from funny to educational in a matter of seconds. In any case, some of these quotes have become emblematic, which is why fans voted on Ranker to decide the best quotes in this show.
Note: Ranker lists are fan-voted, live, and continue to accrue votes, so some rankings may have changed after this publishing
Jake Peralta Burning A Fireman
“Actually, Someone Reported That They Couldn’t Find Your Head. But We Found It; It Was Up Your Butt. You’re A Fireman, You Should Know How To Treat That Burn.”
When Boone, the Fire Marshal, arrives at a crime scene to claim that it is in his jurisdiction, Jake immediately gets defensive. This is because The New York Police Department and New York Fire Department are well-known enemies throughout the whole series.
This quote is a typical Jake comeback. Even though some fans might find this joke repetitive, for Ranker fans, it’s definitely a classic. This sort of pun is Jake’s specialty, and one of the reasons he’s such a funny character.
Rosa Díaz Making Fun Of Amy Santiago
Amy Santiago: And You Laughed At Me When I Went To That Weekend-Long Math Conference.Rosa Díaz: Because You Called It ‘Funky Cats And Their Feisty Stats.’
When Captain Holt and his husband Kevin are having a fight about a math problem, Amy knows it’s her moment to shine. She seems to believe that her math expertise will be the solution to the couple’s quarrel.
This Amy and Rosa moment may be underrated, but it’s the kind of situation that perfectly defines their friendship. Amy is a nerd and Rosa is a badass, so it’s common for them to argue about everything, which makes their interactions some of the funniest ones in the show.
Charles Boyle Talking About The Boyle Family
“It’s Such A Classic Boyle Trait To Not Recognize Talent. My Cousin Susan Didn’t Know She Could Sing Until Her Late 40’S.”
When Captain Holt is sure that Charle’s son is a genius, he takes it upon himself to be in charge of his education. Charles, then, feels sorry about the poor job he’s doing as a parent and blames his genetics for not being good at recognizing talent.
Charles is one of the funniest characters in the show. He’s always making weird references about his family that usually get the most comical reactions in the precinct. This time, it is even funnier since Charles seems to confirm that Susan Boyle – a famous singer that came out of Britain’s Got Talent – is his cousin.
Jake Playing Chess With Captain Holt
“20 Seconds To Spare. Game Over, Captain. Check Me.”
In one of the iconic Halloween Heist episodes, Jake makes a speech explaining to Captain Holt how he managed to win the heist. In the end, he says this quote in which he completely mispronounces the common chess expression “checkmate.”
This emblematic quote is the culmination of Jake’s first Halloween Heist win, even if Jake manages to humiliate himself in the process. On top of that, it’s very common for the show to exploit Jake and Captain Holt’s strong differences in character to make the funniest jokes.
Captain Holt Correcting Jake Peralta
“Don’t Say Son.”
Whenever Jake addresses Captain Holt with the word “son,” he tells him to not say that word. He even tells him not to use it with other people, such as when he says “damn, son!” to another police officer. The reason for this is because the word “son” is not only patronizing, but it can also have historically and racial connotations too (via ThoughtCo.)
While Brooklyn Nine-Nine does mainly revolve around comedy, there are often episodes where the writers take time to engage on serious topics and reflect and educate about important issues. At this moment, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is trying to educate the audience into not using patronizing terms, such as this one, and to be conscious of the offensive meaning of words that people may mistakenly believe are harmless.
Rosa Díaz Threatening The Stenographer
“And When This Is Over, I’m Gonna Find You, And I’m Gonna Break Those Little Fingers.”
As everyone knows, Rosa has a volatile temperament that causes her troubles from time to time. She especially struggles when she is called to the stand in the courtroom since she can make some inappropriate comments, such as the one in this quote.
This quote perfectly sums up Rosa’s personality. She usually has a hard time in bureaucratic situations, mostly because she doesn’t understand why they need to happen in the first place. Also, she can be very intimidating and has no issues getting into fights. However, sometimes her threats to other people are so over the top that they’re actually hilarious.
Jake When Sharon Says Her Water Just Broke
“Don’t Worry About That, We’ll Just Get You Another One- Oh, You Mean Your Body Water! That’s Much Worse!”
After Terry’s wife, Sharon, has to stay at the Police Station while pregnant, Gina and Jake give her water and try to keep her comfortable. Unfortunately, Sharon’s water breaks and Jake doesn’t immediately understand what that actually means: Sharon is going into labor.
Even though Jake is one of the smartest detectives in the NYPD, he can also be very dumb. Jake’s misunderstanding that her bottle of water was broken instead of her “body water” is truly one of the most amusing moments in the show.
Charles Boyle Losing His Patience With Hitchcock And Scully
“Oh, You’re Useless! You’re Completely Useless! You Are Without A Doubt The Most Incompetent Detectives I’ve Ever Seen! And I’m Including That Bomb-Sniffing Dog, Who Humps All The Bombs!”
When Charles is assigned Hitchcock and Scully as partners, he knows it’s going to be a difficult day. Hitchcock and Scully have no idea what’s happening and even though Charles tries explaining it to them, they simply don’t get it.
As Charles says, Hitchcock and Scully are completely useless. They do as little work as possible, and they’ll often spend their time looking for food, which is why most things that go wrong around the precinct are usually their fault. They may be insufferable for most detectives, but thanks to them, the viewers get to laugh a lot.
Jake Peralta, All Of The Time
“Title Of Your Sex Tape”
Everyone is familiar with Jake’s “title of your sex tape” jokes. He basically takes an out-of-context phrase and creates a sexual innuendo with it. For example, when Amy says “why doesn’t your mouth works” and Jake replies, ” ‘Why doesn’t your mouth works?’ title of your sex tape.”
This is such an iconic running joke that eventually it even becomes a cute romantic inside joke between Jake and Amy. Sometimes, even other characters borrow it, even if they’re not very good at it, like Captain Holt.
Captain Holt Showing Jake Two Pictures Of Trash
“Here Are Two Pictures. One Is Your Locker; The Other Is A Garbage Dump In The Philippines. Can You Guess Which Is Which?”
When Captain Holt asks this question, Jake tries to guess which one is the dump, but unsurprisingly it turns out that both of the pictures are from his locker. Jake is usually very messy and the Captain is constantly trying to get him to be more organized and professional – evidently, he never succeeds.
What makes this quote so funny is the fact that both pictures are truly disgusting. They really look like they come from a dumpster in the Philippines. The fact that Captain Holt took the time to take and print these pictures is just the cherry on the cake.